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Literature Text
Shutter the light and let the darkness prevail.
If no one can see then who will know that I failed?
I swear I really tried and that I gave it my all;
I'm painfully aware of every one of my flaws...
I simply lay awake unsure if it's night or day,
Covered and consumed by the weight of this crushing darkness.
I hide from my mistakes and I hope that they'll go away,
Believing myself when I say that I'm really heartless...
Now more than ever I need to feel like I did before;
Like a million white roses missing none of their thorns.
You were the only reason I had left to be saved,
To fill the hole in my heart that was becoming my grave...
Trapped inside myself already bursting at the seams;
Concealing everything I wouldn't tell to another soul.
Pouring my confessions as involuntary screams,
Telling of the secrets that these walls will forever hold...
If no one can see then who will know that I failed?
I swear I really tried and that I gave it my all;
I'm painfully aware of every one of my flaws...
I simply lay awake unsure if it's night or day,
Covered and consumed by the weight of this crushing darkness.
I hide from my mistakes and I hope that they'll go away,
Believing myself when I say that I'm really heartless...
Now more than ever I need to feel like I did before;
Like a million white roses missing none of their thorns.
You were the only reason I had left to be saved,
To fill the hole in my heart that was becoming my grave...
Trapped inside myself already bursting at the seams;
Concealing everything I wouldn't tell to another soul.
Pouring my confessions as involuntary screams,
Telling of the secrets that these walls will forever hold...
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Dark version of "The Secrets These Walls Hold"
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Comments2
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Before I begin, let me make it clear that I'm no poet.
Overall, nice. Simple, quick, a nice read. I feel that the opening line of each segment (stanza) needs a comma, but I also like the cleanliness in this. Good job :]
Quick opinion: "If no one can see then who will know that I failed?"
I'd have left out the "that".
"I hide from my mistakes and I hope that they'll go away,
Believing myself when I say that I'm really heartless..."
Again, I'd leave out the "that"
And I'd have done the second line like this: "Believing myself when I say I really am heartless..." A that may or not be put in before the heartless, but that's up to you, of course.
Overall, nice. Simple, quick, a nice read. I feel that the opening line of each segment (stanza) needs a comma, but I also like the cleanliness in this. Good job :]