literature

The Secrets These Walls Hold - Dark

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Invoking's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

Shutter the light and let the darkness prevail.
If no one can see then who will know that I failed?
I swear I really tried and that I gave it my all;
I'm painfully aware of every one of my flaws...

I simply lay awake unsure if it's night or day,
Covered and consumed by the weight of this crushing darkness.
I hide from my mistakes and I hope that they'll go away,
Believing myself when I say that I'm really heartless...

Now more than ever I need to feel like I did before;
Like a million white roses missing none of their thorns.
You were the only reason I had left to be saved,
To fill the hole in my heart that was becoming my grave...

Trapped inside myself already bursting at the seams;
Concealing everything I wouldn't tell to another soul.
Pouring my confessions as involuntary screams,
Telling of the secrets that these walls will forever hold...
Dark version of "The Secrets These Walls Hold"
© 2012 - 2024 Invoking
Comments2
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the-final-I's avatar
Before I begin, let me make it clear that I'm no poet.
:bulletwhite:Quick opinion: "If no one can see then who will know that I failed?"
I'd have left out the "that".
:bulletwhite:"I hide from my mistakes and I hope that they'll go away,
Believing myself when I say that I'm really heartless..."
Again, I'd leave out the "that"
And I'd have done the second line like this: "Believing myself when I say I really am heartless..." A that may or not be put in before the heartless, but that's up to you, of course.

Overall, nice. Simple, quick, a nice read. I feel that the opening line of each segment (stanza) needs a comma, but I also like the cleanliness in this. Good job :]
:thumbsup: