What I Meant.*Accidentally bumps into you*-What I said-Oh, I’m so sorry..!-What I meant-I just wanted an excuse to hold your handCause even though I do the very best that I canI can’t face this world aloneThere’s too much I don’t understand*Accidentally holds your hand*-What I said-Is everything alright?-What I meant-What should I do if I can’t tell betweenThe reality of life or if it’s just a dream?I can tell the world is real enoughIt’s just not as pretty as it seems*Accidentally hugs you*-What I said-Are you okay?-What I meant-I guess I never wanted to believeThat something I helped createThat I thought was more than beautifulCould be so capable of hate*Accidentally kisses you*-What I meant to say instead-So prove me wrongAnd say it’s not too lateOr too bad, or no good and thatThere’s still room for one more clean slateBecause another se
Love Me.She falls asleep most every nightTo the sound of her parents pointless fightAnd clinging tightly to her tear soaked pillowShe goes to school most every dayWishing she could run awayFrom all those who torture herFor not being ‘cool’Her mother, she just plain ignores herHer father’s never even thereWho would notice if she were gone?Who would even care?She just wants to make it quickTo take this razor as her friendAnd feel its tender loving kissPressed against her paper skinShe just wants to make it stopThe feeling lonely, sad and hatedShe holds the blade up to eye levelI don’t know how long she waitedShe presses hard against her skinAnd lines of ink bleed from the penThe blade, it rests there on her kneeOn her arm she wrote“Love me...”
Awareness.She writes such lovely poemsBut nobody really caresShe hides them all the timeTo avoid the judging staresShe wrote one yesterdayAbout a boy who said he loved herBut to her own dismayShe caught him with anotherShe wrote one about schoolAnd the words painted on her locker“No one likes you, stupid bitch.You’re lucky I’m at soccer.”She wrote about her parentsAnd how she wished they were togetherBut she knows that won’t ever happenAnd forgetting’s probably betterYes, she writes such lovely poemsBut there’s so much more to thisSee, her pencil is a razorAnd the paper is her wrist.
Poets And Artists.I am self-destructive.You are the affected.I’m a thought that’s still in motion.You’re an idea perfected.I’m a sacrifice without you.But with your life, I’m injected.I’m a thousand puzzle pieces.You’re the way to connect it.
My Mind Is A Graveyard And My Body Is A Scar.There’s constantly something wrong with meI can’t look in the mirror for fear I’ll seeAnother part of me that I can’t let beI want to cut it out of my soulAnd just live with the gaping holeTake control and choose to loseThe part of my heart where the insides bruisedI didn’t fall; I was caught by the lonely, crushing darknessOf this I’m sure; it was there more than you ever wereI don’t know why the love I needIs flowing in the blood I bleedYes, I’m confused and, yes, I’m a messFrustrations magnified by stressI don’t know why I pushed so farNew cuts cover where the old ones areMy scars are scarred, my heart’s in shardsI’m breaking down like a house of cardsI fell already blind into decimating blacknessAnd used what I could find of my heart as target practice
Coming BackYou looked at me with sunset eyesTeeming with an ocean’s depthWaves were crashing down your cheeksTears you should have never weptAnd I heard a sound I’ll not forgetThe slamming front door as you leftIn shock I waited as tragedy unfurledDenial settled into the silence of my worldWithout a glance or shallow sighYou left me here with no goodbyeBut in my heart there grew an acheA pain that, most nights, keeps me awakeAnd now I finally realizeWhat I saw in those shining eyesNot the sunset; the sunriseSo this was never a goodbyeNo…This was letting go.And now I’m coming back.
WORDLESS WORDSThe writer attempts to writeDescribing the indescribableLimiting the limitlessNaming the namelessA thousand lines of inkWritten a thousand waysCannot describe love The abstract emptinessThe beauty of colourThe sorrow of lonelinessBurn every bookDestroy every lineAn alphabet of ashesMeaningless is knowledgeWithout experienceWorthless are wordsWithout practiceReading what is writtenIn ignorance remainThe subtle realityBeyond all language
Kids These Days.I don’t have swag.I have integrity.I am not a boss.I am a leader.I’m not a hipster.I do what I like.I do not live only once.I live every day of my life.
InvisibleI'm invisible,Everyone knows that.I have not a presence,I have not a voice,I have not a reality,I'm just not there.It really isn't fun,Because my emotionsAre ignored,My ideas, my thoughts,Are discarded,My body, my being,Is pushed around.Maybe if ICould open my mouth,Could make myself talk,Could make my Presence known,I would be seen.But I cant,So I'll disappear,Go back to my world,And not speak,Not show emotion,And be invisible Again.
What If?What if I told youThat I'd lost the willTo live another day?What if I told youThat because of youI may not laugh again?What if I told youThat I don't careAbout myself anymore?What if I told youThat my entire lifeIs spinning out of control?What if I told youThat I'm done?
I Like Being WeirdWhether I’m laughing in awkward situationsOr crying when everybody else smilesI go from wanting to stay in bed foreverTo wanting to run directionless for milesNormality just feels like silent floorboardsAnd is something I most definitely fearSee I need to creak every once in a whileYou won’t understand but I like being weirdTalking when everybody else is silentBeing deathly quiet in a maelstrom of noiseAs I decide if I’ll be your friend todayBut I promise that you are not just a toyNormality just feels like empty nightscapesAnd is something I most definitely fearI need the stars to spell out my last nameDon’t try to understand me, I’m just being weirdRegressing to when I was a child againTrying to forget how I learnt to be scaredThinking how much I miss the simplicityAnd how for this nonsense I was not preparedBut normality just feels like a life sentenceAnd is something I most definitely fearAt the end of this sentence comes a full s
Stenciled Smiles on Paper HeartsI don't like to feel this wayThere must be something I can sayCause I hate just watching youWhen I know the pain you're going throughListen… You're not alone; I've been where you areContemplating where I'll place my next scarHiding razor kisses underneath long sleevesIt doesn't make it better; nothing is achievedBelieve me…All you'll earn are the scars you've got andThe lesson learned is the lesson forgottenYou feel like no one's there, no one cares what you doLet me put it to you straight: That is never trueI Know…I was shunned, pushed away many times beforeThen I realized it was I who had closed the doorI took a chance and opened up to the people around meTold them of my secrets, now their love surrounds meLook…You're not alone; I've been where you areAnd I know that life sometimes seems so hard…But believe me, from one person to anotherTo make a book better, you never destroy the cover…You are worth it...
I (don't) want to be aloneI want to be aloneSo no one can hear me screamingSo I can bleed out my painSo I don't have to hide the problemsAnd the woundsI want to stay here aloneFighting my inner demonsWith no helpNobody to feel my painNobody to fight for meI want you to leave me aloneSo you won't get caughIn my spiral of darknessAnd self destructionPlease (don't) leave me alone...
Good MorningGood Morning.I have a distressing tendency of waking up too early.The sun escaping from the blinds always begins to stir me.Just as I begin to behave sullen and surly, her presence averts me.I turn to my side to see the vein in her left arm pump overtly.She's completely immersed by the covers.I have to resist temptation not to hold and hug her.Her body suddenly moves with a spontaneous shudder.Her mouth moves but not a word or sound does she utter.I stare at her intently and push her stray hairs behind her ear.Realising that loosing this woman will be my most dreadful fear.Her eyes momentarily open just to make sure that I am near.I was born alone in this world but I live my life in a pair.She has no idea that I watch her while she sleeps.Or that I tingle when her newly painted toes brush against my feet.I often think what my life would be like if me and her didn't meet.Would she even look twice if we crossed paths in the street.Her hands move against the pillow as if
Confession about me Silent StrengthI am strong, but please never confuse this strength with invulnerability.I do hurt.I do cry.I do love.I do feel.I do get crushed.I do regret.But please never think that while I may never show these things in front of you, that I don’t feel them.Because I do.More than you could ever imagine.I’m a hyper sensitive person, forced into a role of strength.It is just a rare occasion when my reserve breaks and I show it in front of people.And when this happens, I reach a state of such openness and vulnerability that I fear.Because I can withstand a thousand blows, but just one word can cut me down. And at that moment, I fear what could be said to me.I’m very sorry if anyone who see this thinks of me as cold, or heartless, or unfeeling.It's just in my life, I have had people who rely on me to be the strong one who keeps a level head and calm emotions.And so when I break in front of someone, I apologize profusely.Because what if they were someone that needed me
Emotional Mind vs. SubconciousHe cares (or so he says)He'll be there (what if he isn't?)He'll protect me (he'll hurt you instead)You're visible to him (no, invisible, just like everyone else)He'll never lie (he lies to you daily)He's never tricked me (everything is a trick when it comes to him)He hugs me (an obligation, just so he can hurt you EVEN more)He wants me happy (just so he can cause you MORE pain)He looks out for me (only because he should)He Cares About ME (or so you think
)He Loves Me (
He'll break your heart)
Don't Go"Don't go…" There are few words more powerful. I watched my best friend as her very soul shattered. She kept saying it. Yelling it. Desperately begging."Don't go! Don't go! Don't go!" She screamed, her voice breaking as she plead. The agony poured down her face, tears blending with the rain. Her beloved weakly placed a hand on her cheek. He smiled through his pain, a hole torn right through the middle of his life. He whispered to her. I could barely make out his words above the sound of the rain against the leaves."Its alright." He said. His voice, somehow steady, "Come here."She swallowed hard and gently lay her head on his chest. I leveled my rifle and scanned the area again. The last of our enemies lay dead at my feet. Above the rain I heard my dying friend's voice singing softly. One last song for the woman he loved."You are my sunshine… my only sunshine… you make me happy… when skies are grey." His voice barely held the notes as it gave way to the v
One Thousand ApologiesI know you will forgiveWhatever I do wrongI know that you will listenTo the tiniest problems I haveOne thousand apologiesFor everything I didOne thousand apologiesFor ever broken dream I shredIknow you will hold meWhen I feel so aloneI know you will be thereWhen I'm broken and forgottenOne thousand apologiesI know I abuse the factsOne thousand apologiesFor crawling every time I need youIt's like I'm a stoneCause I know you will comeIt's like I'm a stoneBut I can't stand aloneOne thousand apologiesFor abusing your kindnessOne thousand punchesWont give me what I deserveI do not deserve this mercyI do not deserve this at allWhy the angel fell for a demonI will never understandIn my evil ways full of sinYou remind meThat every sinner has a futureAnd every saint has a past
Beautiful liesBeautiful liesHiding the cold truthA truth we can't handleSo we avoid itBecause it's better to liveIn a world of lies
Go away!Don't look at meDon't talk to meDon't touch meGo away!I want to be aloneIt's my fateIt's my curseYou try to understand meBut you can'tBecause you have no ideaWhat I have to endureBut when I look aroundYou're still hereFor some reasonYou won't leave...(Thank you...)
By your sideIs your soul gone?Is your heart broken?Is your mind a mess?Are your hopes and dreams dead?Are you rejected for being who you are?Then your place is right hereBy our sideBy the side of the broken onesUnited to surviveTogether to endure the cruelty of this world
The Truth (And The Lie)I'm br(OK)en, really.