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Some days I can’t even get out of bed
So I lay there in the shadows with the voices in my head
And they torment me with memories and things I had to choose
Somehow it ended up no matter what it is I lose

But I put on my best smile and nobody can tell
I’m not as happy as I seem, in fact, I’m doing well
I stare myself down in the mirror and thought I’d at least try
To make it through another day I tell another lie

I’m alright…



That’s exactly what I’ll say if anybody asks
I’m alright; I’m okay with living life behind these masks
Nobody has to worry because I’m obviously faking
I’m permanently stuck in the moment before breaking

I’m a pile of emotions all cluttered on the floor
With so much weight attached I can’t hold it anymore
But I’ve learned to live a lie and nobody can tell
That I’m just about to fall apart, In fact, I’m doing well.
Never been better.
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:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Hey there,

 

Prettyflour here on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

 

I think you picked a great title for this poem- it’s not super obvious but fits perfectly. You’ve created something that I feel will pull at the heart strings of readers- you expressed feelings and situations that I think most will find familiar, and THAT makes this poem relatable.

 

Technique wise, I like the way you formatted this- the big, bold ‘I’m alright…’ breaks up the flow in between stanzas and puts a nice emphasis in the mask of being okay when the subject really isn’t. Also, I think you did a wonderful job with the rhyming.

 

Overall, an emotional, relatable poem- a good read for sure.  Thank you for sharing your words!

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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014   Writer
I'm sure there are many who can relate to this neatly crafted poem. Well done! :)
Reply
:iconcrazymai:
CrazyMai Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014  Student Writer
I can relate it to so much. I have these days as well.
Very well written ♡
Reply
:iconoreoapocalypse:
OreoApocalypse Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I hate to sound like everyone else, but this describes me a lot. More than not, this is how i feel. It's beautiful the way you put it into words
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:iconinvoking:
Invoking Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's okay. It just means that others who feel that way know that there are others like them.
Reply
:icongoldennocturna:
GoldenNocturna Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Student Writer
I feel this way myself from time to time. I find it very upsetting that people rarely notice, though--I can't tell if it's because they don't care or if I'm that good an actor. I'm kinda glad that I'm not alone in feeling this, though.
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:iconinvoking:
Invoking Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, sometimes I think I deserve an oscar for how well I seem to act. But it's alright. You're never really alone.
Reply
:icongoldennocturna:
GoldenNocturna Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Student Writer
Loti, an Oscar. That's a good one. Thanks.
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:iconsupach:
Supach Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ooh so good,:clap:  this just describes me perfectly.
Reply
:iconinvoking:
Invoking Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :meow:
Reply
:iconnooneknowswheretogo:
NoOneKnowsWhereToGo Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist
I have a lot of those days, but anyway I really like it :3
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:iconinvoking:
Invoking Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you do ouo
Reply
:iconnooneknowswheretogo:
NoOneKnowsWhereToGo Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014  Hobbyist
:3 I'm glad you pick up *insert material you use to write stuff* and write stuff xD
Reply
:iconimariposa:
iMariposa Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So true. . . the story of my life for the last 3 years. Thanks for sharing this.
Reply
:iconinvoking:
Invoking Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure.
Reply
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June 4, 2014
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