I am a big fan of this form, and having tried writing in this style, I know how difficult it can be to come up with a successful poem. Having said that, I think you did a wonderful job with this!
Your rhyming works well and the flow of the piece is very nice. It was easily readable and understandable. Also, your poem conjures up some great emotion right from the start. Your first sentence really pulled me in- made me want to keep reading and has awesome imagery. All of this continues throughout the entire poem, and your last line finishes with a sense of finality and yet…your use of ellipses brings of a sense of things left to be said.
Overall, I enjoyed this and have no constructive criticism to offer. Well done!
this is almost as bad as me
I love the way you wrote it with 'take it all away' down the side
Wow. Describes me perfectly sometimes.
Your DA username is appropriate for this, as it is totally thought-invoking
I try to write poetry, but it's never come out as good as this....
Thanks for adding such beautiful pieces of work to DA.
Invoking, I know that you have no idea who I am, and to some this comment may seem too long or unnecessary, but I'm going to post it anyway.
I haven't posted any new photos or poems for a couple years, but I come back from time to time, just to browse and see what dA friends are up to. I always scan the home page to see if anything catches my eye.
I have Major Depression, PTSD, and Panic/Anxiety disorder (diagnosed in college, have had since early teens). I stopped doing all the things that meant the most to me, including music, poetry, etc., during the worst years. Most anyone with one or all of these disorders will tell you that one of the worst repurcussions is losing interest in the things you love the most; be it art, friends, family, or the like. I began to write and take photographs again, almost 5 years ago, after a 12 year hiatus. Things were going well, until another major emotional crisis left me sinking into the depths of depression, again. I've had suicidal thoughts, but have NEVER acted on them, thankfully. I haven't been able to write much, if anything, for the last 3 years.
I came across your poem, today. I don't know you, or really anything about you, but I felt the need to tell you that your poem made a difference in my life. I always appreciate when someone lets me know when one of my poems or photographs speaks to or helps them. That's simply what I wanted to do, with this comment. You put into words what I've been feeling for several years, but have been unable (or unwilling) to voice.
Thank you for sharing this poem, Invoking.