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It Isn't Wrong...I used your words to form an apology
Because I didn’t know another way
To make you acknowledge me
But I’m still here, you know
As much as I was a year ago
I’m going in blind and taking shots in the dark
But I’m pulling every word from the bottom of my heart
I’ve had a lot of time to see things straight
You’re someone that I love, that I could never hate
That’s why every time I tried forgetting about you
I couldn’t force myself to do what I had to do
Now I can see your pain, I’m sorry I put you through it
If there was one thing I could change
You know that I would undo it
I don’t want to live, I don’t want to breathe
The reason we’re like this is all because of me
I don’t want you to be yet another closing door
You think I could care less, darling, I couldn’t care more
Take away from this all the evidence you need
I miss you just as much as you say you miss me
I want this forced silence to come to
What I Can't EraseLike the gnarled roots of an old decaying tree
I’m twisted and confused, tired of being me
On the surface I am strong, abrasively calm, and ready
But underneath it all I’m weak, wrong, and unsteady
I shudder at the wind; tell tale of death’s bringer
I feel the chill upon my spine; forever it seems to linger
Now is not the time for cleansing wounds of past battles
Worse is lurking just beyond the howling darkness of the shadows
There isn't much that I can do against an army borne of fear
Every nightmare, all my demons, they’re all assembled here
They’re everything that I’m ashamed to say is part of me
The ugly truth behind my eyes no one should ever see
And if I held my ground would it be too much to face?
Or should I just ignore what I know I can’t erase?
Let Them In.With my back to the door
I can’t help but fall to the floor
Out of breath, out of time
Out of sight, out of my mind
They’re tempting me; they lead astray
They mark my words; I am their prey
I can’t fight them anymore
So let them in and end this war
Leave me to my demons
Let them have at me
And strip me of my reasons
To ever be happy
I am broken enough
So that they fit in the cracks
I never wanted to be this
But now there’s no turning back
Let them take control
Because without you in my life
This is how a person like myself
Can ever become whole.
AlmostThis place brings back so many memories
Each one reminding me what I had
Sometimes, I can’t stand it and I fall to my knees
I can’t believe I had perfection…
And I just let it slip away.
I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know what you’d say
You were my best friend, my everything
You were a part of me and I let you get away
So much for meaning every word that you say…
I wish I could tell you how right you were
I should’ve treated you better and been more mature
But you opened my eyes though it hurt me sometimes
To see how much we were falling apart…
Neither one of us tried; I wish you didn’t just leave
It kills me not knowing what I should feel
Or what to believe
But you probably won’t see this, not this time
And you’ll never know how much this has torn me apart…
Love Me.She falls asleep most every night
To the sound of her parents pointless fight
And clinging tightly to her tear soaked pillow
She goes to school most every day
Wishing she could run away
From all those who torture her
For not being ‘cool’
Her mother, she just plain ignores her
Her father’s never even there
Who would notice if she were gone?
Who would even care?
She just wants to make it quick
To take this razor as her friend
And feel its tender loving kiss
Pressed against her paper skin
She just wants to make it stop
The feeling lonely, sad and hated
She holds the blade up to eye level
I don’t know how long she waited
She presses hard against her skin
And lines of ink bleed from the pen
The blade, it rests there on her knee
On her arm she wrote
Just One KissI hate that there will always be
A lingering regret
An ache set so deep inside me
I cannot forget
I turned away as my thoughts strayed
“What chances have I missed?”
I don’t want one more regret
To add among the list
I need to know what could’ve been
What could become of this
I’ll take my chances, no regrets
For just one kiss…
Between what I feel and I say
Is what I don’t understand
You say it’s better this way
This is not what I had planned
I watched as you just walked away
“What chances have I missed?”
I’ll add just one more regret
To the top of the list
I need to know if you can see
There was something more to this
I’ll take my chances, no regrets
For just one kiss…
To taste your kiss…
Just one kiss…
Completely.I am darkness personified.
An abyss so drenched in black
That it leaves me
My heart is a facade
It’s a useless beating lie
Because I've never felt a thing
Except for dead inside.
It’s a war I wage
Inside of my ribcage
That kills me a little more
I like to pretend too
That somewhere beneath the pain
There’s a way I can break through
But I already know…
Things will never be the same.
I lost absolutely everything
I can’t apologize enough
That I didn’t know who to be
When you said that you needed me
My scars are like chains
That keep me from falling apart
Awareness.She writes such lovely poems
But nobody really cares
She hides them all the time
To avoid the judging stares
She wrote one yesterday
About a boy who said he loved her
But to her own dismay
She caught him with another
She wrote one about school
And the words painted on her locker
“No one likes you, stupid bitch.
You’re lucky I’m at soccer.”
She wrote about her parents
And how she wished they were together
But she knows that won’t ever happen
And forgetting’s probably better
Yes, she writes such lovely poems
But there’s so much more to this
See, her pencil is a razor
And the paper is her wrist.
Do Not OpenA field of wilted flowers growing darker by the hour
Clouds of grey have come to play
Pouring acid like it’s rain
It burns right through my skin to bone
And shows me what I’ve always known
Atop a hill a lonely tree wrapped in a fog of misery
A tire swing, abandoned toys, not even a single noise
With a crying breeze and dying leaves; I can’t feel
Can hardly breathe
Yet here I am; this is me
This is who I try to hide
I should come with a warning sign
Do Not Open: Dead Inside.
What Happened?I used to think make up
Made people ugly.
Now I think I'm ugly without it.
I used to think people
Always loved me.
Now I think everyone hates me.
I used to think everybody
Was my best friend.
Now I think no one truly is.
I used to think
Boys were icky!
Now I wish I had one.
What happened to being
Secrets...Secrets are things that people won't tell,
Despite the greatest truths
Hidden within them.
Secrets are things that people lie to
In fear of you finding out what's
Sweetie, here are a few secrets
That I feel must be shared,
Because they've been kept for
You are beautiful. You are stronger than your weaknesses.
You are unique. You are different. You are perfect.
You are not defined by your sadness, nor are you defined by the stereotypes.
You are not broken, despite the the scars and missing pieces.
You are powerful.
You are a fighter.
I know no one has whispered
These things to you.
The only things that people won't tell,
Are the secrets.
And that's because the secrets are true.
MurdererIt’s so easy to take a life at any given time.
But I’m in a good mood…
…so I’ll settle for that spider.
Kill it before it lays eggs.
It’s so easy. Too easy.
Shut the blinds;
Close the door.
You don’t want anyone to see this.
Bring her to her knees. Watch her scream.
What a beautiful scene.
Life is a cruel joke,
Is there a point to all this?
There has to be, right?
He grew up to be the tallest tree
Just to be burned down.
That’s too bad.
No one will remember him anyway.
Friend says she feels alive when she’s dying.
How do I reply?
Whatever, I’ll say something.
Murder these feelings.
They don’t exist if we hide them.
We’re all killers.
Shall we talk about it instead?
Let Me Be MeSick and tired,
All these voices.
All that noise,
All these choices.
My mind is racing,
My thoughts are loud.
Sitting in the open,
With a large crowd.
Why won't they leave?
Just leave me alone.
Just let me go,
I'll leave my throne.
I'll stay in a shell,
I'll keep quiet.
I won't be who I'm not,
I won't even try it.
People think I'm cool,
When I'm really not.
I'm that unstable guy,
With all the crazy thoughts.
Don't tell me who I am,
Don't tell me who to be.
I make my choices,
Let me be me.
Sick of societyI may live inside my own, twisted universe
I may change, sometimes for the worst.
What's normal to me is not normal for you.
Sometimes I just do what I need to do.
Behind a brick wall, I hoped someone would break it
I threw out my heart hoping someone would take it.
But I got tired of hiding and tired of hating
And instead of throwing myself at every guy, I'm waiting.
I'm sick of the person I tried to be
So basically, here I am, I will be me
I'm sick of the hatred, would you not agree?
.. Basically I'm sick of society.
You Think You're LuckyYou think you're lucky.
So happy to have me.
But I don't understand,
What it is you see.
You're so smart,
And funny and sweet.
Compliments and smiles
Every time we meet.
Don't you see I'm crazy.
Parts I can't control.
You'll never have my heart,
At least not in full.
I've already hurt you.
It won't be the last.
If I were you I'd leave.
Run away fast.
Why aren't you leaving?
I just don't get
That look in your eye.
Why you feel this way,
I don't understand.
But I'll make sure to keep it
Anyway I can.
WHAT IS WAS NOTPeople are people,
And will always be people.
So why blame people,
For being people?
Truth is truth,
And will always be truth.
If truth becomes false,
Then it cannot be true.
A word is a word,
And will always be a word.
To edit the word,
It ceases to be that word
Wisdom is wisdom,
Because it is wise.
If wisdom becomes unwise,
Then the stupid are wise.
The absolute is absolute
And has always been absolute
If it can be questioned
It is not absolute.
Love is love
And will always be love
If it was but is not,
Then it was not.
Confession about me Silent StrengthI am strong, but please never confuse this strength with invulnerability.
I do hurt.
I do cry.
I do love.
I do feel.
I do get crushed.
I do regret.
But please never think that while I may never show these things in front of you, that I don’t feel them.
Because I do.
More than you could ever imagine.
I’m a hyper sensitive person, forced into a role of strength.
It is just a rare occasion when my reserve breaks and I show it in front of people.
And when this happens, I reach a state of such openness and vulnerability that I fear.
Because I can withstand a thousand blows, but just one word can cut me down. And at that moment, I fear what could be said to me.
I’m very sorry if anyone who see this thinks of me as cold, or heartless, or unfeeling.
It's just in my life, I have had people who rely on me to be the strong one who keeps a level head and calm emotions.
And so when I break in front of someone, I apologize profusely.
Because what if they were someone that needed me
Won't Give InI'm getting weak,
can't find the light.
Too tired to try,
Too tired to fight.
I want to give in,
let my grip slip,
start the fall,
let myself trip.
But I can't let go.
I need to stay here.
Despite all the hardships,
despite all my fear.
I'll keep going.
I won't give in.
Though I feel like dying,
though my chances are grim.
So say hello to me,
this act I put on,
till my time comes,
till God says I'm done.
Locked and LoadedI am broken. I’m a waste.
Tell me something I don’t know
Say it to my face
You think you know me better
‘Cause of things you don’t remember
You’re trying to make me hurt
My self-esteem’s in the dirt
Pick out all my flaws and laugh at every one
I’m just a stubborn kid with a loaded gun
In the middle of the desert
Taking shots at the sun
But my body is the M16
My mouth is the trigger
My lungs; the magazine
And if you can’t already see
I’m about ready
To go on a killing spree
If you can’t shut up long enough
To hear what I have to say
Then I’m locked and loaded
Have a nice day.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More