literature

Epitaph

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Invoking's avatar
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Literature Text

When you're psychologically unstable
You need somebody there who can help you turn the tables
And who is able to hold on when you feel like letting go
When you think you could disappear and noone would even know

I was alone and in the shadows
Fighting demons
Losing battles
Tracing scars and making cuts
Trying to live, but all for what?

I don't want others to ever feel the same
I want them to find comfort when they see my name
You may not think so but I believe I could save a lot of lives
I'm a victim of self harming and guess what - I survived.

I had no purpose, felt no end
My lonliness was my best friend
For years I fought and mostly lost
Sometimes I'd win, but at such cost

It's cliche`, I'll be the first to admit it
But I want to help
That's why I submitted

This is the something that means everything if I could make you understand
I just want to be the person who reaches back into the blackness for another victims hand

I don't want the money, the subscribers or the fame
I just want comfort to be synonymous with my name
For some reason there's a huge conflict about people who self-harm. Like they only do it for attention or whatever. I don't care why you do it. Just stop. And then people tend to unfairly compare self-harming individuals to others who have terminal illnesses. That's such a stupid comparison, just because they don't have a terminal illness does not mean their condition isn't life threatening. Self-harm victims suffer psychologically and will have trouble expressing themselves, or, hell, they can be the most outgoing person you've ever met. Either way, these are not things you can pick up on with an MRI scan. There is a chemical imbalance, a psychological disturbance. Sometimes it's not even that. It's just stress. And stressful situations cause people to act irrationally. Same thing with emotionally charged situations. In circumstances like that, without proper guidance and grieving methods, one is likely to resort to self-harm. So the next time you see somebody with a scar that appears to be self-inflicted, stop for a second to think. They are fighting a battle you know nothing about. Don't you dare judge them for it.

This is probably exactly what most people don't even want to hear or see, but it's the truth.

This is also part of my second entry into Rob Dyke's "So You Wanna Be a Youtuber" Contest.
© 2014 - 2024 Invoking
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SubliminalFox's avatar
I was a victim of self-loathing and self-hate as well for many years, in times of extreme pain hate and fear of how I would handle the situation at hand on the outside, I resulted to self-mutilation. Since then I have grown out of it for lack of a better word, but I will never forget how dangerous I was to myself. It is poems like this that will make one who needs that outstretched hand to ask for help. Self-mutilation and self-loathing is such a sensitive subject and wouldn't be brought up by the person doing it unless they found someone who could relate to their struggle and would look at their heart with non-judgemental eyes. It is the fear of one-self and the fear of judgement that keeps them in the dark. Your understanding is beautiful, and this poem is beautifully written. Thank you for writing this, I hope many more people see this so they can help themselves or help another.