You looked at me with sunset eyes
Teeming with an ocean’s depth
Waves were crashing down your cheeks
Tears you should have never wept
And I heard a sound I’ll not forget
The slamming front door as you left
In shock I waited as tragedy unfurled
Denial settled into the silence of my world
Without a glance or shallow sigh
You left me here with no goodbye
But in my heart there grew an ache
A pain that, most nights, keeps me awake
And now I finally realize
What I saw in those shining eyes
Not the sunset; the sunrise
So this was never a goodbye
This was letting go.
And now I’m coming back.
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”
That quote was the basis of this piece. Just a fun fact. Hope you enjoy!
the only way for me to go back to her is if I followed her path
Ah. I love this. It's like thinking back to memories and realizing what you have and what's come back.
It does start tying itself back together near the end though.
I love your choice of words and imagery. However, the flow of the lines gets distorted at points (prob starting the 3rd line in) and ruins the overall flow of the work.
You sure went to town on that quote! Impressive piece of work
I love it
I'm going to go cry in the corner now. I like it, but it makes me kind of upset because I'm a fuck up.
Whoa, what's the matter there, doll? Everything okay?
An assortment of things is wrong and I wouldn't say I'm okay. I really need a vacation from myself these days. I seriously always fuck everything up, perfectly normal there.
Beautiful, sad, with a touch of hope. Love, love, love it!
I loved the rhythm and the pace of this. There were a few places where it wan't as effective (2nd half of second stanza, last line of the third), but over all it was very well done, and I really enjoyed the strength of that conclusion.
Yes, I was having trouble finding a way to express the idea while staying in rhythm. Everything I came up with for that I didn't like as much, or felt the impact was lessened, so I just stuck with the out of rhythm lines. It can't really be helped, i guess. Thank you.
This is heartfelt and amazing. Truly.